I wrote this out of boredom...thought I'd re-post it for kicks.
For those that don't know, I recently moved into a new apartment. I've never lived completely on my own, so I knew things would not go right during the first week or two here. However, I did not realize that the things that could go wrong would culminate into one hour of my life after days of calm living.
Today I woke up and was doing fine. I had planned to pack for the trip I'm going on in two days and I was going to go wander around for a bit. I wandered, got some coffee and a pizza to cook (I figured the pizza would feed me for a few more meals...healthy eating at its finest). I returned home and THOUGHT it was going to be a peaceful evening full of wedding shows, Toddlers and Tiaras, and Top Chef.
I was wrong.
I walked into my bathroom to grab my glasses and there was a spider on the ceiling of my shower. I ...do not like spiders. I am, to be honest, terrified of spiders. I generally run away from spiders. However, there is nobody here to kill the spiders but me. As it was on my ceiling, I could not actually reach it and I refused to throw something at it because that might just knock it off the ceiling and onto my head. That would not be pretty. So at first I attempted to spray it with hair spray, because that has killed spiders in the past. However, gravity was not on my side. By the end of the hair spray attempt, the spider was still chilling on the ceiling, and my face and arm were covered in said hair product.
Step 2 involved turning the lights on and off really fast in hopes that it would scare the spider and it would climb down the wall so I could smush it with a shoe. This just intrigued it and it ended up climbing onto the light and hanging out there.
This spider was not going to get the best of me...I am smarter than this spider. So, I got my vacuum cleaner out. I figured this would put me a safe distance from the spider and kill it at the same time. I turned on the vacuum cleaner and pointed at the spider. Well. The spider flew off of the light and...not...into the vacuum cleaner. I freaked out, dropped the vacuum and ran away. Upon re-entrance into the bathroom, I get to see that the vacuum is in pieces, my hairspray and new hand towel are in the toilet, and the spider is in hiding.
Awesome.
I put the vacuum back together, fished items out of the toilet, and went on a spider hunt again. It took a while, but I found him. He was in the bath tub, hiding under the shower curtain. He is now smushed and down the drain.
Victory is mine.
The next plight occurred during dinner time. I was baking my pizza and I noticed my oven smelled funny. It's a new oven and google said that that was normal, so I figured I wasn't poisoning myself. I couldn't open the windows though (like google said) because spiders would get in.
So I'm cooking my pizza. All of the sudden, this beeping starts. I look around my apartment because, what on earth could be beeping? My phone isn't beeping...my tv isn't beeping...the computer isn't beeping. Let's think...could it posisbly be that oven timer I set? Oh...so it is. After feeling like a moron, I go to take the pizza out of the oven and a different beeping starts...I turned off the timer! What could be beeping?!
Perhaps it's that smoke alarm right above the kitchen...
Yup. I set off the smoke alarm with a frozen pizza. I'm talented like that.
So I have to jump up and down under the smoke alarm, waving my arms and blowing the smoke away. It's at this point that I start to wonder if I'm on TV and all of this crap is happening for the amusement of others. It wouldn't surprise me.
The smoke alarm finally shuts up and I go to cut my pizza. I don't have very sharp knives, and the pizza crust is kinda tough. The knives are not working. So...I washed a pair of scissors and used them instead.
Now I have the lovely problem of figuring out how to store this pizza. I don't have tupperware. I didn't think of this when I bought the full sized pizza instead of the personal size.
We'll see how it goes. Something is telling me I'll be using paper towels and tape.
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