Sorry, I Cannot Hear You, I'm Kinda Busy

I have to answer the phones at work. It really annoys me because I am not a secretary. I am not paid to be a secretary, yet the managers give out the front desk phone number to all of their business associates. Their wives call all of the time too. They both have iPhones! They can give that number out!

When it isn't for one of the managers it is usually a to-go order. I really wish people could place the orders online. When it's really busy, the last thing I want to do is stop everything I'm doing to answer the phone and take down an order. Today, I got such a lovely call from a guy.

Man on phone (MOP): Yeah, I want an omelette.
Me: Okay, sir. What kind would you like?
MOP: I don't know...vegetables.
(I groan inwardly and read him the types of omelettes we make with vegetables. He makes me repeat half of it, gets angry at the prices, then tells me he isn't sure what he wants. He offers to call me back...which he does...five seconds later)
MOP: Okay...I know what I want. But I need you to grill the vegetables before you put them in with the eggs.
Me: Well, the vegetables go in before cooking so they will be cooked along with the eggs.
MOP: No. Grill them.
Me: I'm sorry sir, my computer doesn't really have that option.
MOP: So go back there and tell the cooks what to do. I want them grilled.
Me: ...Yeah fine. I'm not promising anything.
(I get pissy on the phone since they can't tell what my face is doing)

He hangs up and shows up ten minutes later demanding his food. It's not ready. I told him 15 minutes. He yells at me about being double parked. I think about telling him that he's really far too ugly to think he is so special. But I don't.

All of the sudden he walks to a table and starts picking up the silverware and glasses. "Sir, what are you doing?" "I need silverware and a glass." "Well there will be plastic silverware in the bag...and you didn't order a drink, why do you need the glass?" "...Uh. I'm going to want water later."

...His attitude is really not helping me give him wonderful customer service. "Sir, I can give you water in a plastic cup if you'd like." "No. I want it in this glass." "Well you can't have that glass, it is ours and it costs money." "Well that's how I want my water."

...

I hate people.

I go and get him water in a freaking plastic cup and hand it to him. His omelette comes out from the kitchen and he starts pestering me about how it was cooked. "Did you make sure this didn't touch a griddle that cooks meat?" "They wipe the griddle down in between each order." "No. I can't have my food cooked on anything that has ever touched meat. Ever."

...Then go to a different restaurant buddy. You paid 9 dollars for your food. This is not Morton's. "Yeah, it should be fine. They cook the eggs on a different griddle than the meat."

It's a lie. I hope he's deathly allergic to invisible meat particles and chokes on his hashbrowns.